The Rutland title makes way for the first programme, The Old Gay Whistle Test,
hosted by a Bob Harris impersonator who introduces the band Toad the Wet
Sprocket. He then interviews Mantra Robinson, a rock star who is working on a
lengthy album title and has attempted to kill a band member. They are joined by
Siggy, Mantra's guru, who receives deep spiritual insights from his landlady.
Splint perform Bandwagon from the Gerrard's Cross pop festival, followed by Stan
Fitch, the first all-dead singer, who, without moving but with wacky camera
effects, performs a song from his new album.
The Rutland titles appear and the female presenter, sitting next to a vase of
flowers, welcomes the viewers. The opening titles play in full and the presenter
returns with more flowers and introduces Rutland Weekend Theatre. A couple
standing on their veranda have difficulty in remembering their names. They are
joined by their son, Virginia's lover and a friend of Harry's, all of whom are
suffering from memory loss.
After a little thinking time, a male presenter introduces the programme
Amnesia. He promptly forgets the show's content and says goodnight. Rutland's
presenter returns with even more flowers and has also lost her memory.
The Rutland Weekend Documentary follows Ron Grainger, a Worcestershire farmer
who breeds beauty queens, feeding them hay and copies of Vogue. At one time
poachers stole some of his girls and feminist demonstrators infiltrated the
group with the radical feminist magazine Foot and Mouth, leaving Ron no option
but to put them down. He takes his girls off to market to be bought by butchers.
A beauty show presenter asks a cow if she is being exploited. While the judges
make their decision, singer P.B. Sutton is killed before he sings a note by the
Yorkshire Showbiz Butchers.
With flowers up to her neck, the presenter introduces A Penny for your
Warts, a quiz show for doctors. The two teams are British Urinologists and the
Somerset Consultant Gynaecologists. After a series of questions in which one of
the gynaecologists dies from a patient's infection, Somerset are pronounced the
winners.
The presenter, now surrounded by flowers, introduces the Fabulous Bingo
Brothers, who sing a song about their donkey. The real Bob Harris appears and
introduces the last act. The Rutland presenter, engulfed by flowers, closes the
broadcast.