Edition originally transmitted on ITV, 20 May 1979
At the funeral of an 'Irish Television Comedian', the priest talks about
forgiveness. The coffin is lowered, then, to thunder and lightning, goes into
free-fall with fire and smoke coming out of the grave.
In a take on Dave Allen, Pope Clement at Large sits on a barstool and tells
Irish jokes in semi-intelligible cod-Latin.
A bumbling newsreader misreads his auto-cue. As he checks his script it is
revealed that his hair is only painted on the screen in front of
him. In the spoof soap End of Part One, Norman and Vera Straightman
are at home, going about their business. Norman checks the interstellar football
pools results on TV but they are void as no life has evolved in other galaxies.
Their oddly dressed neighbour walks in with a letter containing terrifying news:
the call-up papers for Norman to appear on the South Bank Show, with
instructions to visit Melvyn Bragg's nasal specialist. Vera goes to find some
contemporary English literature for him.
Vera walks from their front room straight into a bookshop with empty shelves.
Whatever book Vera asks for, the shop assistant produces the shop's only
book.
The most entertaining moments from the Russell Harty Show: a pan across the
studio audience.
That's Bernard Braden's Show Really includes an item on the woman who bought
tights at a half-price sale and only got one-legged tights, so she sawed her leg
off. Vox-pop about sawing your leg off. A letter from Mr Hitler is read out and
the illustrated story is told of him politely trying to invade Poland.
At the 'nosetician's', Norman is given a test to check if his sinus is
sufficiently blocked for the South Bank Show, before trying out some new
noses. Back at home, Norman gets ready to leave for the South Bank
Show. As Vera wishes they could buy their way out of it, a representative from
the Littlehope Football Pools Company turns up. Life has now evolved in other
galaxies, matches have been played and Norman has won - nothing. As Norman is
leaving, Vera asks if nothing can stop this barbaric programme.
As the opening credits for the South Bank Show run, God drops an atomic bomb.
Crowds cheer and a billboard announces 'South Bank Show Over! Bragg
Surrenders'.
Party Political Broadcast on behalf of Nicholas Parsons: an empty chair
behind a desk.
The above is interspersed with spoof continuity
announcements.