Series 1, Episode 5, originally transmitted 14th October 1994

Having recently sacked his house band, Alan has been forced to reinstate them prior to an industrial tribunal challenging their dismissal. In reference to this resurrection, the band has changed its name to Lazarus. Alan and his band leader have a brief, stilted conversation. The musicians are clearly furious and deliberately miscue Alan as he takes to his chair.

His first guest is cockney boxing and entertainment promoter Terry Norton. Recently cleared of garroting a nightclub owner, Norton is keen to unveil his latest venture, a nationwide beauty contest. Alan, who patronises Norton using clumsy cockney rhyming slang, refuses to ignore the alleged murder charges and tactlessly reenacts the incident using actors in the studio. Norton is furious and threatens Alan with violence. Petrified, Alan is bullied into publically affirming Norton's innocence.

The regular 'Knowing me Alan Partridge, Knowing You another Alan Partridge' segment, in which Alan meets a member of the public with the same name, involves a recently deceased man who wished to appear on the show. Flanked by his grieving family, the dead man's coffin is brought into the studio. Alan presents the family with a headstone featuring the inscription 'donated by ALAN PARTRIDGE broadcaster' but the man's date of birth is incorrect. The family politely asks Alan to reground it, which annoys him, but he begrudgingly agrees.

Along with Terry Norton, the family helps to judge the final of Miss Norwich. Alan flirts excruciatingly with one particular contestant, and quickly loses interest in the others. He furtively demands the panel vote for her, but is disappointed to learn she is engaged.

In a jarring change of tone, Alan hosts a round-table political discussion segment. He is blatantly biased towards the timid Conservative MP, who is undermined throughout by an outrageously attired student representing the Bald Brummies vs. the Big Footed Conspiracy Party. The two men become involved in a physical fight, whereupon naked Bald Brummies invade the stage. Alan chases them around the studio, wrestles one to the ground, and closes the programme with his face almost buried in the invader's backside.