Edition originally transmitted on BBC1, 1/11/1980

The Two Ronnies present the news.

Mastermind. The specialist subject: "Answering the Question before last".

A policeman makes an appeal for new recruits. Recruits will be trained on how to wear a helmet, schooled in martial arts, dealing with shoplifters, drugs and drunken drivers by using the new breathalyser (a bag with a picture of Margaret Thatcher).

Two men by their allotments discuss how breastfeeding has increased the longevity of life.

A song from Elkie Brooks.

The Worm that Turned. It is 2012 and women have taken over England. Names relating to men have been changed - Big Ben is now Big Brenda; the Union Jack has become Union Jill. Janet Cartwright, employed as a tea boy at police headquarters, is the worm about to turn. Cartwright's main adversary is the commander of the state police, who has an iron will and underwear to match. The Commander discusses the power of trouser wearing, women burning their bras and insisting that man should now wears the frocks. On the other side of London, Janet visits Betty, worried that the state police will find his collection of chauvinistic films. Janet asks Betty to pass the message onto the other lads. At the hairdressers', Betty informs Cheryl of the group's next illicit meeting. Janet runs into the hairdresser and hides from the state police under a hairdryer, covering her face with vanishing cream. The police sergeant comes in. Will Janet be discovered...?

The two men at the allotment discuss how one of them is able to exceed his daily alcohol intake.

Two men in a pub. One tells the story of a liaison with a woman at work and her begonias. The other attempts to finish his sentences.

Ronnie Corbett sits in his chair and tells a comedy monologue about the sailors on an American Naval Destroyer.

'Broadway Malady' - a musical number set in a speakeasy, with gangsters, flapper girls and the Two Ronnies as a pair of gamblers and bootleggers. It turns into a black and white song and dance sequence with The Two Ronnies in drag joining the chorus line.

A few late items of news.